Once Upon an EMail
by WritingOnMyWall
Summary: Our favorite trio has a conversation via email! Harry and Hermione are OF COURSE together. Ron is with Luna, but she's not mentioned much. And they all have problems...whether it be dinner, work, or how to even turn on a computer! Fun stuff people...read
1. Chapter 1

**To**: Harry Potter--- Top Auror, Ministry of Magic

**From**: Hermione Granger---Minister of Magic, Ministry of Magic

**Subject**: Hello Darling.

Hello Harry. I just wanted to make sure you were using your e-mail account that I set up for you. I know that there is always the possibility of you being even dafter that I thought, and perhaps you cannot even figure out how to get into it.

That's why I'm sending Fowler from Tech Support to help you.

…Come to think of it…you probably didn't even know the Ministry HAD a Tech Support office. Actually…COME to think of it, you are even dafter than I had originally thought a mere minute ago…

Anyway, onto bigger and better things… I was also wondering what we're going to do about dinner tonight. Because sitting here listening to Percy drone on and on about who the hell knows what…I'm quite famished. We both get done around 6:30pm so feel free to surprise me.

You owe me really. Remember what happened last time you promised to give me a special dinner?

Well that's all for now darling. Hopefully you'll figure out what to do when the little voice comes online and tells you have mail. Actually I hope you are ONLINE at ALL.

Oh Fowler…save my soul…

Kisses!

Hermione

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**To**: Hermione Granger---Minister of Magic, Ministry of Magic

**From**: Harry Potter--- Top Auror, Ministry of Magic

**Subject**: Thanks for the confidence dear…

You really think I'm that daft? What have I ever done to make you think that?

(That was a question that was not meant to be answered. So don't.)

I figured out how to access this e-mail thingie all by myself…

And Fowler showed up JUST in time to show me how to turn the computer on. I guess I should be thanking you for sending him.

Oh and you're right. I had absolutely no idea we had a Tech Support office. Who needs that?

Oh…that's right apparently I do…

ANYWAY…tonight…it is a surprise. So don't leave your office. I will be swooping in to pick you up with all the charm and exuberance I have in my power.

(NO that does not mean we're getting pizza. The last time that happened was because Ron made me go to the Quidditch store and I saw that new model that I was dying to have. It wasn't my fault that there was only one left and that I had to charm the saleswitch into letting me have it. I mean, I even had to flash the scar... I told you that…)

So I hope this little e-mail left you with high hopes and anticipation.

Love you,

Harry

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**To**: Ronald Weasley--- Sports Writer, The Quibbler

**From**: Harry Potter--- Top Auror, Ministry of Magic

**Subject**: HELP!

RON WEASLEY. IF YOU WERE A GOOD BEST FRIEND YOU WILL FLOO OVER TO MY OFFICE RIGHT NOW.

I forgot that I had promised Hermione I would take her out somewhere special tonight for dinner.

I have no reservations.

I have no ideas.

I AM THE WORST MAN IN THE ENTIRE WORLD.

(And no Ron, I am not going to get a PIZZA. You told me that last time. Remember how well that turned out…)

HELP!

Harry

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**To**: Harry Potter--- Top Auror, Ministry of Magic

**From**: Ronald Weasley--- Sports Writer, The Quibbler

**Subject**: What the hell is this that I'm writing on? An EEEE-Snail?

Harry you're a daft git. You know that right? I can't just FLOO over. I'm working.

(Well you know…I'm sitting in Luna's office. I'm supposed to be working in my department, but I like Luna's office. It is so much nicer. I mean really. Nothing is happening in Quidditch anyway. And seriously man, how can you work in the same building as your girlfriend? I can't seem to tear myself away from this lovely couch she has. Gossip columnists get WAY better stuff than sports writers…)

Anyway back to your Hermione problem. You need help mate.

Why don't you cook? You know she would love it. When I cook for Luna, it's like I'm a God. A God of the kitchen. Even when I burn everything, and we end up getting Chinese take-out, it doesn't really matter because it's the THOUGHT that counts.

Oh yes Harry. I believe you should cook.

Ron

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**To**: Ronald Weasley--- Sports Writer, The Quibbler

**From**: Harry Potter--- Top Auror, Ministry of Magic

**Subject**: You ARE my savior

RONALD WEASLEY YOU HAVE OUTDONE YOURSELF.

I'm all about the cooking. I'm the best chef in the WORLD.

I may not have cooked anything in my entire life...but I'm pretty sure I would be amazing at it.

I beat the Dark Lord. I can certainly whip up a few spells and have a gourmet feast appear right before my eyes!

I

Am

A

Daft

Git.

Thanks Mate!

Harry

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**To**: Hermione Granger---Minister of Magic, Ministry of Magic

**From**: Harry Potter--- Top Auror, Ministry of Magic

**Subject**: Go home.

Hermione, my love, please go home.

Harry

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**To**: Harry Potter---Top Auror, Ministry of Magic

**From**: Hermione Granger---Minister of Magic, Ministry of Magic

**Subject**: HARRY JAMES!

HARRY JAMES POTTER!

You don't have anything planned do you?

I KNEW this would happen. Now I have to listen to Percy talk about how to speak like a Muggle. Excuse me Percy, but I GREW UP WITH MUGGLES.

And now I have nothing to daydream about…I WAS looking forward to a wonderfully romantic dinner…but NOW…

Goodnight Harry.

Hermione

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**To**: Hermione Granger---Minister of Magic, Ministry of Magic

**From**: Ronald Weasley--- Sports Writer, The Quibbler

**Subject**: Go Home Hermione.

Hermione, go home. I'm serious. Harry told me to tell you. And I actually have to agree on this one…

Well according to this crazy eeee-snail thing…that's what Harry told me to tell you. I still think it's being bewitched. Maybe I'm NOT even talking to YOU!

Ron

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**To**: Ronald Weasley--- Sports Writer, The Quibbler

**From**: Hermione Granger---Minister of Magic, Ministry of Magic

**Subject**: Ronald…

That e-mail subject was pretty familiar Ronald.

Don't tell me you're in cahoots with Harry again. Although what am I supposed to expect from you two. I swear if Harry didn't have me he'd have to be dating you. You never leave each others side.

And it's an E-MAIL. Not and EEEE-SNAIL.

And no it's not bewitched. Merlin Ron.

And fine.

I'll go home.

But whatever this is about…I'll kill you if it sucks. BEWARE RONALD WEASLEY!

Hermione

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**To**: Harry Potter--- Top Auror, Ministry of Magic

**From**: Hermione Granger---Minister of Magic, Ministry of Magic

**Subject**: You are the most…

You are the most delicious, handsome, adorable, wonderful, fantastic man I have ever met in my entire life.

Thank you for last night. I love you darling.

Love,

Hermione

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**To**: Ronald Weasley--- Sports Writer, The Quibbler

**From**: Harry Potter--- Top Auror, Ministry of Magic

**Subject**: Look at this…

_FWD: From Hermione Granger _

_You are the most delicious, handsome, adorable, wonderful, fantastic man I have ever met in my entire life._

_Thank you for last night. I love you darling. _

_Love, _

_Hermione _

….

Now look at THAT. That is the e-mail of a woman in love. Last night was great idea mate.

And it's not even like the dinner was the best part…I mean afterwards…

Thanks again.

Harry

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**To**: Harry Potter--- Top Auror, Ministry of Magic

**From**: Ronald Weasley--- Sports Writer, The Quibbler

**Subject**: I didn't need to hear that….

Mate, you know I didn't need to hear that.

Keep your freaking personal life to your freaking self! Come on man!

But I'm glad it all worked out. (Even if you burned it all to a crisp. I mean come on man…who burns BEANS?)

Ron

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**To**: Ronald Weasley--- Sports Writer, The Quibbler

**From**: Hermione Granger---Minister of Magic, Ministry of Magic

**Subject**: I know.

I know it was your idea.

Come on Ron. It was so obvious.

And I know you helped make dinner.

Because you left you're jacket on the table.

And seriously…the entire dinner was burned to a crisp. (Come on now Ron…who burns BEANS?) And plus…we ended up eating pizza on the bedroom floor, because the rest of the house smelled like something had curled up and died right in our oven!

Obviously the pizza was your idea.

I swear it's a tie over who is the dafter…you or Harry.

But thank you. It was a wonderful dinner…at least the thought that went into it…

And I know you'll start screaming and jumping around and pretending to gag yourself when I say this…

But AFTER dinner was the best part!

Hermione

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**To**: Hermione Granger---Minister of Magic, Ministry of Magic

**From**: Ronald Weasley---Sports Writer, The Quibbler

**Subject**: GAG ME.

Thanks to you I'm all out of breath from running around the office screaming and covering my eyes when I saw that nastiness written on my computer screen.

Actually, I'm in Luna's office. So I held off on the pretend gagging.

But please, for the love of Merlin…leave yours and Harry's love lives to yourself. Even saying the words 'love' and 'lives' in the same sentence with 'you' and 'Harry' gives me the chills.

Ron

p.s. was the pizza good though? I asked them to put extra cheese on…

p.p.s NOT that it was my idea. The pizza I mean. Not my idea AT ALL.

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Well that's it. Random idea. I read something on another fanfiction site that had the same sort of idea, except it was through an online quiz, not e-mails. I wrote this in about an hour, and hopefully it's not too bad!!!! I'm not sure if I will add to it. Possibly not. We'll see how it goes…


	2. Chapter 2

**To:** Hermione Granger,--- Minister of Magic, Ministry of Magic

**From:** Harry Potter--- Top Auror, Ministry of Magic

**Subject**: Quidditch Match

Hello my dearest,

I was just sitting here in my office twiddling my thumbs. (Yes I do know what twiddling means. I looked it up in a muggle dictionary as a matter of fact! And it definitely doesn't mean what Ron told me it meant…dirty mind he's got…)

Anyhoo, back to the twiddling of my thumbs…

I decided to log onto this crazy computer that you installed. I've only used e-mail that one time I forgot…I mean I REMEMBERED to make you dinner. Since then, I've been so busy, I completely forgot I even had it.

So why not put it to good use. I know you'll be thrilled when that man comes over the speaker thingie and proclaims that you have mail.

(Don't deny it Mione…you love it.)

SOOOO back to the point…I was on the computer and all of a sudden my e-mail account had about ten thousand messages in it. Most of them are from thirteen year old girls as a matter of fact…

BUT after going through every piece of mail I had, I had wasted a good amount of time, which made me very happy, but I still had one more piece left. So I clicked on it, and this huge picture of a Quidditch pitch came soaring out onto my screen and started playing music and it was all rather exciting!

It told me that I had won a trip to the Quidditch World Cup…which as you know I REALLY wanted to go to…and they told me that I got two tickets for FREE!

-Harry

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**To**: Harry Potter --- Top Auror, Ministry of Magic

**From**: Hermione Granger --- Minister of Magic, Ministry of Magic

**Subject**: please…

PLEASE Harry…let me open your mail from now on.

That Quidditch e-mail sounds like spam.

I bet you just released a virus into the entire Ministry of Magic.

GREAT.

I'm coming down to your office right now.

DON'T MOVE.

-Hermione

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**To**: Hermione Granger --- Minister of Magic, Ministry of Magic

**From**: Harry Potter --- Top Auror, Ministry of Magic

**Subject**: What the…?!

What in the bloody hell is spam?

Hermione…I think you've gone a bit mad…I knew that being the Minister of Magic would scar you for life…but did you listen? No of course not…

Oh crap.

I hear your heels clicking down the hall…you're coming to GET ME!

Harry

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**To**: Hermione Granger --- Minister of Magic, Ministry of Magic

**From**: Harry Potter --- Top Auror, Ministry of Magic

**Subject**: YOU are in my office.

You're in my office right now.

Freaking out about something as usual I guess. I still have no bloody clue about what you're ranting and raving about, considering all I know about spam, is that it's some nasty meat that muggles eat.

Actually…is it even MEAT?

Anyway…now you're pacing.

I think it's quite humorous how you're getting impatient with me, because you keep saying something about how I'm just going to open more viruses.

I thought viruses were like germs.

COMPUTER'S can't get human germs Mione. Duh even I know that.

Now you're yelling at me to get off the bloody computer.

Damn.

I guess I better.

(Hopefully you're telling me to get off so that you can celebrate with me about winning free tickets!)

Now it's time for me to go kiss you to shut you up.

-Harry

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**To**: Harry Potter --- Top Auror, Ministry of Magic

**From**: Hermione Granger --- Minister of Magic, Ministry of Magic

**Subject**: Do I even need to say…DAFT?!

Thank you for those wonderful e-mails Harry. I'm so glad I wasted my time reading something that happened when I was in the SAME room as you!

(Although that kiss you gave me did take my mind off things for a second…but don't think you can solve everything with your perfect lips!)

And hopefully Fowler explained to you what 'spam' and 'viruses' are. Because you are so daft that even I cannot get it through your head!

Honestly.

And no, we are not going to go to the Quidditch World Cup. It was a fake.

Oh…there is absolutely no chance that I will give up some of my money to buy tickets. Sorry. Nope. None. I refuse.

-Hermione

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**To**: Hermione Granger --- Minister of Magic, Ministry of Magic

**From**: Harry Potter --- Top Auror, Ministry of Magic

**Subject**: Tear.

I'm crying silent tears in my office.

Fowler just explained what spam was. I told him I thought it was some sort of mystery meat at least four times, and by the fifth or sixth, he looked ready to smack me across the face.

Anyway…I didn't really understand what he was talking about. I mean…isn't it strange for a wizard to know so much about muggle contraptions? A bit boring I think…

All I know is that we didn't get free tickets.

And that makes me sad…

-Harry

(PLEASE Hermione…just a few galleons to spare…I'll pay you back I promise…I'll even take you to that new restaurant with the muggle waiters…)

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**To**: Harry Potter --- Top Auror, Ministry of Magic

**From**: Hermione Granger --- Minister of Magic, Ministry of Magic

**Subject**: Giggle.

I'm laughing quite hard at the moment. Let me get a moment to compose myself…all I can see though is you sitting in your office crying…quite a sight let me tell you…

As tempting as that restaurant is, and as delightfully handsome those muggle waiters are, I'm sorry. No money. I REFUSE.

That is…unless you buy Ron, me, AND Luna a ticket.

You thought your girlfriend didn't like Quidditch did you?

Well I don't.

But if it would make you happy…I'll go. As long as I have another girl to whine and moan about sports with.

Go ahead and TAKE MY MONEY! LEAVE ME POOR! WHATEVER MAKES MY HARRY HAPPY.

Ugh I CANNOT believe I just typed that.

Well…I'm serious. Go ahead and buy the tickets.

Are you coming over tonight? I sincerely hope so. I rented this new muggle movie…it looks to be quite good…

I love you.

-Hermione

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**To**: Hermione Granger --- Minister of Magic, Ministry of Magic

**From**: Harry Potter --- Top Auror, Ministry of Magic

**Subject**: Wow.

What a change!

My darling Hermione wants to see a Quidditch match! I never thought I would see the day…

And I won't even make you pay.

You know I have enough money. I was just being an annoying dolt.

So don't worry about the money, I'll check with Ron and Luna, and then I'll buy the tickets.

Can't wait for the movie…you'll probably get done before me because you don't waste time like I do…so come on down to my office when you're done…

I love you too.

-Harry

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**To**: Ronald Weasley --- Sports Writer, The Quibbler

**From**: Harry Potter --- Top Auror, Ministry of Magic

**Subject**: Quidditch World Cup

Hey Mate!

Interested in two tickets to the Quidditch World Cup? One for you and one for Luna?

My treat.

-Harry

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**To**: Harry Potter --- Top Auror, Ministry of Magic

**From**: Ronald Weasley --- Sports Writer, The Quibbler

**Subject**: NO NEED!

Harry mate!

There is no need for you to buy tickets!

I just opened this e-snail and a huge picture popped up playing music…I'm getting FREE TICKETS!

-Ron

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yeah nobody reads this, but I did get one review, and I figure…one person enjoying this is better than nobody. And it takes less than an hour to write a chapter. So why not.


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